Well... I´m on vacation at my home town and I´m pleased that I don´t have to smile to everyone for a wile. Yeah! Part of being a "normal person"* is that I don´t have to freaking fake that I love everyone that stands in front of me. Really, every time you see one of us* smiling to much or being to much polite, probably is because we are cursing you in that very instant just because you wanted to fly that day on that particular hour. Actually if you´re smart, and of course with my help for now on you´ll be able to easily translate what those usual flight attendant words really mean.
"Hello! Welcome Sir!" - Drop dead, my legs hurt and you´re not freaking welcome... fag!
"Oh yes! Lovely day!" - What do I care? I´m stuck inside a plain, I don't get to see the sun much and I´m NOT on vacation... moron!"
"Do you need help with your bag?" - You better not...
"Sure. I´ll bring you a blanket" - Who am I? You´re freaking slave?
"Coffe? Tea?" - Yeah... That´s what I want, freaking passengers with to much caffeine... just drink wine and pass out please... idiots!
"You feel cold in the cabin? Don´t worry I´ll ask the Captain to warm it up a little bit." - Shut up! Freeze to death and see if I care! I´m freaking sweeting, this outfit is to tight, my hells are to high and I have more things to do like... spit on you´re tea cup. One more "ding dong"* and I swear I´m going to hide your life jacket and hijack this plain somewhere in the freaking ocean...
Yes, we are here to serve you*! Have a nice flight! :)
* normal person - flight attendant out of duty
* we, us - flight attendants in general
* ding dong - that call bell above your head that you use to much frequently just to bother us
* you, they, them, etc - passengers in general