Week Four

Honestly this has been a kind of boring week. I´ve been mostly at home, looking at the ceiling and trying to think what to do with so much spare time. Thinking and thinking... obvious conclusion: nope, nada, nothing, niente!

Since I´ve started working as a flight attendant I´ve become kind of even more lazy than before. Wich is stupid, because now I have a nice pay check (finally...) and so much time for hobbies or activities, but... I just stay home watching tv or not even watching it.

Yeah... I´m bored and this post is boring as well, so cya next week, I hope I´ll have some far more interesting to right about.

Cheers!

Week Three

I´ve been having a blast this week.

Just flying around Germany, nothing really special. The passengers are quiet, rude and don´t talk much. That´s the way I like them. Oh yeah!

But I´ll explain why I´ve been having so much fun. I´ve met a couple of twins. They´re spanish I think, at least they sound spanish and honestly... If I was a serious person or a responsible cabin crew I would have to report them to the company. But I wont, because FINALLY I found someone even crazier then me and I´m sort of in "love" with their way! :)

On the first flight we met, they looked very quiet and professional. They don´t even look like twins. But from the minute we took off, they looked at me with this really weird face like "can we trust you" and they just asked:

" Do you mind if we take off our shoes?"

And I answered:

"Am I the purser?" and I smiled. And from that point forward we became the best friends. Seriously, we spend like 3 bottles of perfume (that are available for selling on board). We used the make up, the lipstick, even that weird think that gives you "pearls" at the tip of your lashes. At the end we looked like whores, do too much pigment on our face. But the others didn´t notice a thing.

The purser even said that our grooming was perfect! ahahahah

And since we all stayed at the same hotel, the fun went on and on. We didn´t let the pilots sleep much, basically no one sleept in the entire hotel.

I like them, they are not the kind of slutty slash bich kind of cabin crew I have to deal with every single day. They´re cool and they just don´t give a shit about what the others may think.

Here´s to you crazy sisters! Thank you for the funniest week in all my cabin crew life.

Week Two (well actually.. twelve)

Yes, I´ve been away. No excuses, I´m just lazy! Not many flights on my agenda and too much spare time gives me too much spare time to do nothing. And the less you have to do, the less you actually do, right? :)

Anyway I had to work on the 1st of January. Oh yeahh, no new year hard core party for me, I had to be sober for the next afternoon.

It was quite a long flight but at least no turbulence, quiet passengers and we landed on time, I had sushi for dinner and the hotel was fabulous with those cute little soaps included and everything.

Not!

Late departure, non stoping turbulence, smelly asshole passengers whit hangovers, really late landing, crackers for dinner, no cute little soaps included...

Next day, coming back, turbulence again, smelly passengers, an obese idiot spilt coffee on my last cleaned skirt (I had to borrow my colleague an extra skirt and oh boy, is she bulimic? or maybe I´m just fat I don´t know... It was to tight! I looked like Britney Hore Spears on that video clip...), and then "le piece de la resistence" one kid, yes! kid! he was like 16 or something! he grope my ass! My reaction? Oh I was very professional... I just said:

"Excuse me but I really don´t think that was the best way of acting", of course he laugh whit his friends like "I don´t care". Very professionally I smiled and very professionally I waited. Time for the meal, very professionally I counted the meals, and very professionally I looked into 3 "random" trays...

At the end of the flight: "goodbye" "thank you" "goodbye" "thank you" and "I hope you liked your meal"...

It ended to be a nice new years beginning :)

Week one

Well... I´m on vacation at my home town and I´m pleased that I don´t have to smile to everyone for a wile. Yeah! Part of being a "normal person"* is that I don´t have to freaking fake that I love everyone that stands in front of me. Really, every time you see one of us* smiling to much or being to much polite, probably is because we are cursing you in that very instant just because you wanted to fly that day on that particular hour. Actually if you´re smart, and of course with my help for now on you´ll be able to easily translate what those usual flight attendant words really mean.

"Hello! Welcome Sir!" - Drop dead, my legs hurt and you´re not freaking welcome... fag!

"Oh yes! Lovely day!" - What do I care? I´m stuck inside a plain, I don't get to see the sun much and I´m NOT on vacation... moron!"

"Do you need help with your bag?" - You better not...

"Sure. I´ll bring you a blanket" - Who am I? You´re freaking slave?

"Coffe? Tea?" - Yeah... That´s what I want, freaking passengers with to much caffeine... just drink wine and pass out please... idiots!

"You feel cold in the cabin? Don´t worry I´ll ask the Captain to warm it up a little bit." - Shut up! Freeze to death and see if I care! I´m freaking sweeting, this outfit is to tight, my hells are to high and I have more things to do like... spit on you´re tea cup. One more "ding dong"* and I swear I´m going to hide your life jacket and hijack this plain somewhere in the freaking ocean...

Yes, we are here to serve you*! Have a nice flight! :)

* normal person - flight attendant out of duty

* we, us - flight attendants in general

* ding dong - that call bell above your head that you use to much frequently just to bother us

* you, they, them, etc - passengers in general